my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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