I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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