You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
