I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
