Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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