Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
