That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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