I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Vodka?
Forever.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
