he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
