o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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