I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
