his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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