I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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