He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
