Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
