he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
