mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
