i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
