i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
