isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
