new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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