Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
