You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
