pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
