That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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