I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
