My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
