ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
