So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
