Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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