I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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