i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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