sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
