Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
