i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
