my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
