hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
