According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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