Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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