Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
