In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
