Can i not drive my cunt home
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
