I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
