Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
