It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
