Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
