Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
