Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
