apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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