i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He passed out mid-signature
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
